Challenge #11: The Feeling Formula
Now, like a lot of this, it's super simple to read, a lot harder to implement. But the results can be pretty amazing.
When you're bringing up an issue, or having a discussion or even an argument, always start with "I."
So for example:
"I feel hurt when you forget to call me when you're going to be late."
"I feel frustrated when you continue to leave your underwear on the floor and I have to pick them up all the time."
Instead of starting with "you," which can instantly put someone on the defensive, you're discussing your feelings first. It's kinder, gentler, and much more effective.
Once you get the formula down, you can play with it so you don't sound like you're spouting off a formula. But when I remember to stick to this, or in the least, talk about how I'm feeling in response to what he is or isn't doing as opposed to calling him out all the time, it really does make a huge difference.